When Too Many Doors Are Open

I often catch myself thinking about Barry Schwartz’s Paradox of Choice at the most ordinary moments—scrolling through Amazon looking for “anything,” or walking into a superstore for one simple item and leaving with a head full of second-guessing. I scan reviews, read what strangers loved or hated, and quietly wonder if the thing will actually serve my life—or just end up in a closet somewhere after the novelty wears off.

Barry once wrote:

“When asked about what they regret most in the last six months, people tend to identify actions that didn’t meet expectations. But when asked about what they regret most when they look back on their lives as a whole, people tend to identify failures to act.”

That line stays with me.

Most physical things I buy give me maybe six months of pleasure before they lose their meaning. The excitement fades, the shine wears off, and what’s left is just another object taking up space. The “pleasure” it gave me was fleeting—more of a distraction than a lasting joy.

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The Architecture of Abundance

It’s strange how we live in a world that celebrates abundance yet quietly breeds dissatisfaction. Studies show that consumers tend to gravitate toward platforms offering more choices, not fewer. Amazon’s success isn’t built on limiting options, but on creating better tools to navigate massive inventories. The problem isn’t the abundance of choice—it’s the architecture around it.

But those same tools come with a cost.

Many of the posts and product reviews we trust are now written by AI, carefully optimized by algorithms that push one product over another—not because it’s better, but because it performs better in the system’s invisible game. A recent study found that 3% of Amazon reviews for bestselling items were AI-generated, with 75% of these fake reviews being five-star ratings. What once felt like honest word-of-mouth now often feels synthetic. We are sold trust, illusion by illusion, all dressed in digital sincerity.

And with the advent of AI, truth itself becomes slippery—less an objective certainty, more a reflection of our own sense of value. We are told what to want, what to believe, what to desire—and somewhere in that algorithmic whisper, we lose sight of what actually matters.

Because what really matters isn’t the next product. It’s the people around us.

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The Happiness Paradox

It’s no wonder that the happiest societies in the world are the ones that value less product and more human interaction—communities that trade consumer excess for connection, and status for belonging.

The 2025 World Happiness Report confirms this pattern: Nordic countries consistently top happiness rankings not because of material wealth, but because of their emphasis on:

• Social trust — believing your neighbors have your back
• Community connection — regular gatherings, shared meals, collective care
• Hygge (Danish) — creating cozy, meaningful moments with others as a buffer against stress

In Denmark, the concept of hygge—creating cozy, meaningful moments with others—acts as a buffer against stress while building camaraderie and trust. Somewhere along the way, we’ve confused convenience with meaning.

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The Career Conundrum

Even our careers have become part of the consumption cycle. Modern career anxiety has reached epidemic levels:

• 54% of U.S. workers report that job insecurity significantly impacts their stress levels
• 81% worry about losing their jobs in 2025

The problem isn’t just choosing a career path anymore; it’s navigating the overwhelming number of possibilities that didn’t even exist for previous generations.

Our grandparents might’ve had three options in their small towns. Today, we have thousands—each demanding a different skill set, identity, and sense of purpose.

The Tyranny of “Follow Your Passion”

And society doesn’t help. We’re told to:

• “Follow our passion"
• "Find our calling"
• "Love what we do”

It sounds beautiful—but it can be paralyzing. The romantic notion that every job must be your destiny creates pressure that turns simple career decisions into existential crises. We fear making the wrong choice, and in that fear, we often make no choice at all.

The result is a kind of professional FOMO—fear of missing out on the perfect life, the perfect title, the perfect fit. And yet, most of the time, the real peace comes not from perfection, but from participation—from showing up, learning, and committing to a path, even when we’re not sure it’s the absolute best one.

Stoic Insight: “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” — Seneca

The paralysis of infinite choice is itself a waste of our precious, finite time.

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Love in the Time of Infinite Swipes

Dating apps have transformed relationships into marketplaces. Researchers call it “relationshopping”. The average Tinder user scrolls through around 140 potential partners a day. That’s 140 opportunities for the mind to wander, compare, and wonder, “Is there someone better?”

Choice overload in dating has become one of the biggest barriers to forming meaningful connections. Every swipe promises something new, but often at the expense of depth. The paradox here is painful: the more options we have, the harder it becomes to choose anyone at all.

We treat people like products—profiles to be scanned, compared, and optimized. When everyone is a potential “better option,” commitment becomes a risk rather than a reward. The FOMO to find the right person overshadows the slow, often messy process of building something real with the one who’s already there.

Beyond the Algorithm

Maybe it’s not about finding the perfect match, but finding the person whose beliefs and values align with ours—someone willing to grow, work through difficulty, and co-create meaning.

Love, like choice, requires a bit of faith. It’s not an algorithmic process—it’s an unfolding.

Buddhist Wisdom: Attachment to the idea of “perfect” creates suffering. True connection requires letting go of comparison and embracing what is.

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Lessons from Bhutan: Gross National Happiness

Every generation faces its own kind of overload. Ours just happens to come dressed as freedom.

Research from places like Bhutan—which measures Gross National Happiness instead of GDP—suggests that true prosperity comes from:

• Balancing material and spiritual development
• Emphasizing community well-being over individual accumulation
• Recognizing that “the rich are not always happy while the happy generally consider themselves rich”

The Bhutanese philosophy acknowledges that happiness isn’t found in having more doors open—it’s found in closing the right doors and walking through with intention.

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A Gentle Reflection: Learning to Choose Well

Maybe the question isn’t whether we have too many choices, but whether we’ve learned how to choose well.

To pause before reacting.

To ask what truly serves our peace, not just our impulses.

True freedom might not be having every door open—it’s having the clarity to walk confidently through one and let the others close behind you.

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Practical Wisdom: Navigating Choice Overload

1. Set Decision Rules

Create personal boundaries for decisions:

• “I only buy clothes if I’ve thought about them for 30 days"
• "I commit to job opportunities based on values, not titles"
• "I give relationships 3 months of genuine effort before deciding”

2. Limit Your Options Intentionally

• Unsubscribe from promotional emails
• Use “buy it for life” philosophy—fewer, better things
• Choose 3 career paths to explore, not 30
• Date with intention, not as infinite entertainment

3. Embrace ‘Good Enough’

Perfectionism is the enemy of action. Satisficing (choosing what’s good enough rather than optimal) reduces decision fatigue and increases satisfaction.

4. Practice Gratitude for Closed Doors

Every “no” is a “yes” to something else—your time, your peace, your focus.

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Reflection Prompts

💭 What doors are you keeping open that drain your energy without serving your growth?

💭 If you could only choose one path in your career, one relationship to deepen, one thing to buy this month—what would it be, and why?

💭 What would your life look like if you stopped optimizing and started living?

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Right place, right time, right mindset.

Further Reading

• Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
• Søren Kierkegaard, Either/Or
• Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism
• World Happiness Report 2025
• Research on Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness

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About the Author

Don Sylvester is the creator of Dotish Philosopher, a platform blending philosophy, mindfulness, and modern technology. Drawing from backgrounds in cloud engineering, creative writing, and comparative wisdom traditions, Don explores how systems—both digital and human—can think, feel, and heal with greater awareness.